Brianna Poster - South Africa

The Joy of Conviction

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I haven't posted on here lately. But I felt a need to write about what God is showing me currently. Before I begin on specifics of that, however, I will start with explaining the title of this entry. Conviction and joy don't typically go in the same sentence together, yet to me, I am realizing that they run more and more parallel than perpendicular. Conviction from God can often be like a dagger to the heart: hitting on places we had hidden away, pulling out the garbage we keep to ourselves, or reiterating a point that needs to be engraved into the very being of who we are. It's painful, it hurts, and yet it brings so much joy. It brings joy in knowing that when the Lord reaches deep within us and pulls out the junk, that He is transforming us more into our true selves as children of the one true King. And it brings joy in knowing that the more He brings us to that point, the more He is enabling us (by His power alone) to touch the lives of others. When we are weak, He truly is strong!

Tonight I was once again reading The Hole in Our Gospel. For as long ago and as many times as I have begun this book, I should have read it 20 times over by now. Yet I haven't, because it convicts me with every paragraph. Tonight, the following verse stuck out to me like a sore thumb.

"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?" 1 John 3:17

Ouch.

God has been gently reminding me of the need of others in the recent months. Yet tonight, I stopped dead in my tracks. For another night, I had to postpone finishing the chapter because this verse has hit me so hard. When I was in Africa, my life was based around helping others around me. It revolved around God and TRUE religion that the Bible talks about. And now I am in America, yet it's just hitting me how this country is a 180 difference from there. Or maybe it's just how I choose to live. From community to being alone, from ministry to a desk, from loving on children to crying at their pictures.

Honestly, we I left Africa, I thought life in America was what I wanted. Really, my life here is good. I have a steady (enough) job, I'm making money, I have more clothes and shoes and stuff than I could ever need, I have a car, I don't have to pay rent... the list could go on and on. Yet I am realizing more each day how much I miss living in simplicity. Where I had one shelf of clothing in a closet (maybe a 2' box, at max), I would wear the same outfits every week, internet was something special once a week (not my whole life as it becomes here), and I had a community of friends and fellow believers around me who were there for me no matter what. I miss going every day into life with a purpose (though I managed to focus so much on serving God's people that I wasn't spending so much time with Him). I miss the simplicity of loving with everything in me and being able to see opportunities around me to serve every.single.day.

Here I am, surrounded by a "Good American Life". And I would give nothing more than to give it all away to be back with my African family (teammates, ministries, friends). What is the purpose of all this stuff surrounding me? Do I really need it? Was it worth the money? The more I think about it, the more God points out to me that all this stuff just becomes a hindrance between me and Him. The more I have, the less I am willing to part with, and the more that's available, the more I allow it to take priority in my life.

Everything around me will fade away. And I need it to somehow. Either in God taking it from me, or God taking me from it and bringing me back to a place of simplicity like it was in Africa. I miss it, I need it. Lord, take my life and make it Your's. Help me to rely on You alone and bring you back to my top priority.

Choosing God or the World?

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Let's see if I can make any of this make sense!

In Ephesians, it says, "And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus" (Ephesians 2:6). In spirit, we are already in the heavenly realms with in Jesus just as we were crucified and raised with him.

So, how does that reflect my life? When I read this, I pictured myself seated in heaven, in the throne room. Then, I pictured what that would look like while I was living my life here. This is where it gets difficult to explain, but I will try. When I am living my life on earth for myself, seemingly oblivious to God, His kingdom, any of the like, then my spirit in the throne room is oblivious to what is going on in the throne room. It's like if I were seated next to Jesus, and instead of taking in His glory, His power, all of who He is, and I just sat there in a zone, with no focus on Him and all on myself. How ridiculous would that be?

But isn't that how I often live? With the focus on me and not on God. With what I want, my thoughts, my hurts, my life.

"You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God." James 4:4

Have I become an enemy of God? Bluntly, yes. From the way I live my life, from the focus I put on myself, I am living in the world, I am a part of the world, I enjoy certain things of the world (though not the "worst" of the world, but "...whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." James 2:10).

I have become a friend of the world. Seeking quick fixes and momentary pleasure instead of painful processes resulting in eternal joy. I know in my heart that friendship with God is better than anything the world could provide, yet I've allowed myself to conform to the world, to blend in here, to just live rather than be alive.

But listen, "God jealously longs for the spirit that he made to live in us". James 4:5 Going back to being in the throne room. With us there, we have the Spirit in us. And whether we are absent minded or fully focused, God desires the Holy Spirit. And He placed His spirit in each of us. So, not only are we withholding ourselves from God, but we are withholding His spirit from Him too. Maybe that's why He desires us to be either hot or cold, to either hold His spirit or not (Revelation 3:15).

"But he gives us more grace." James 4:6

The Hole in Our Gospel

Mon, 25 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I am currently reading Richard Stearns' new book The Hole in Our Gospel.

To begin with, if you haven't heard of it, look into it. If you have heard of it, please read it! I am hardly into it, but it is tearing me apart, in a good way. It's making me miss South Africa so much, making me want to go back to ministry immediately, and really helping me to take a good look at my heart and my life: my priorities and idols, my thoughts and ideals. And bringing me closer to God's heart.

The part of the book I am at right now is discussing the portion of Matthew (chapter 25:31-46) where there is a glimpse of the final judgment, and the sheep will be separated from the goats.

The well-known portion of this Scripture is this:

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."

And here is how Richard Stearns paraphrased it, to reflect our world today...

"For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved." Richard Stears' paraphrase of Matthew 25

Sarah Buller - With Hope

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Sunday, April 5th, my teammate and friend, Sarah Buller, passed away in a car accident on her way from Port Elizabeth to Jeffreys Bay, South Africa. The details aren't so important, but what is important is the life she lived and the legacy she has left.

    Sarah was one of those people who could immediately put a smile on your face whenever she entered a room. She lived her life with a passion that no one and nothing could ever quench. And her love for God was so evident in the way she loved the people around her.
    I never once thought that the last time I saw her would truly be the last time I would see her. I said goodbye for the few months it would be, not the goodbye until I join her with our Father. I never told her how much she meant to me, how much I love this girl who went from stranger to sister in a matter of months.
    I've been trying to hold it together. Then it all comes flooding back to me. Half the time, it still doesn't seem real. Half the time I think I'll still be seeing her soon, seeing her smile, getting a warm hug, and hearing her over-exaggerated Minnesota accent. However, it is all memories now.
    But, oh how thankful I am that I have those memories. Here are a few I hold very dearly:
    *Driving to Cape Town and Sarah belting out to the African Christmas music
    *Whenever she saw me at UCSA, she would yell, "MINNESOTA" across the     compound. My fellow Minnesotan,
    *Sarah was my secret santa this Christmas. I don't know how she managed     it, but she put pieces of paper all over my bunk that said, "Beautiful" on each     on. Nothing more, nothing less, just "Beautiful". Sarah loved to encourage     everyone in any way she could.

Those are so few of the memories I can remember. But it is late, and my mind is still scattered. Until later, here is the song that I keep listening to. This will forever be a song that reminds me of Sarah when I hear it:

With Hope - Steven Curtis Chapman
This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope

We let go with hope

My sister and friend. You will forever hold a very special place in my heart that will never be filled by anyone but you. I love you and miss you dearly. You are in my hearts and my thoughts and my mind. Always, forever.

Where He Leads, I Will Follow

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

God is...

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Crazy! In a good way. I don't even know how to begin describing this past week to you. It has been filled with intense revelations from God, a lot of Him speaking and me finally understanding. It's been a week of highs and lows and God coming through no matter what. It's God's peace, and patience. And most importantly, God's love.

I'm not sure how to put this week into words really, other than to say that God is amazing. Stand and look at Him in awe for awhile, for who He is and what He created. Come to His feet to worship Him and seek Him wholeheartedly. I promise you, you will not regret it!

I'll try to say more soon!

In His love,

Bri

Crazy Love

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

In discipleship, we are reading Francis Chan's book Crazy Love. If you have never heard of Francis Chan before, I highly recommend that you look into reading his book or listening to some of his sermons through podcasts. This man has such a knowledge about and wisdom from God.

I have been listening to his podcasts most of this semester, and have never been so convicted with a desire to change than I am after listening to each message. The focus is completely on God and what we can do to seek more of His face.

It's nice to have a book to read, rather than just the podcasts, so I have everything laid out in front of me to look at and go back to and write all over (my book is covered in writing... already, and it's only week one!). It's about the love that God has for us, one we can't comprehend, but somehow can begin to grasp pieces of it through Him. A love that is so undeserved yet given to us anyway. Francis focuses a lot on the awe aspect of God. How big and holy and powerful and... God is.

Anyway, I highly recommend this book... and his podcasts! That's all for now!

In Him,

Bri

The New Plan for Ministry

Fri, 6 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Okay, I believe my ministry is now at a place where it will not be changing, so I figured I would post an updated schedule of what I am doing weekly.

                  Morning              Afternoon        Evening

Sunday        church                -                     Nation Celebration

Monday        discipleship         Ithemba          -

Tuesday        Ithemba       Ithemba          -

Wednesday    Discipleship        Ithemba    -

Thursday        Ithemba          Ithemba        -

Friday          Off                    Off                    Simunye Youth @ Ithemba

Saturday        Family Ministry    Off              -

    I am now working twice a week all day at Ithemba.   In the mornings, there are the creche (daycare age) kids and I help out, rotating between the classes (there are three classes: the young children, the older Afrikaans children, and the older Xhosa children). I also help to play outside and initiate games with the kids and correct their papers when they are finished in class. Then I continue my normal day at 1pm teaching my 2nd and 3rd graders.

The Eyes Can Speak When Words Cannot

Fri, 6 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

    These are the eyes of my children at Ithemba. I've learned that when people say eyes are the window to the soul, that it's very true. They can speak volumes. I've come to the conclusion that African eyes are some of the most beautiful I have ever seen, though that may be because it's the first time I've ever paid attention to them.

    Anyway, these are the children I work with. And from their eyes I can name them, I can describe to you their personality. Maybe it's because I know them, but I think it has a lot to do with what their eyes say about them.

    There's Sive on the far, top left with the wide eye. She is a beautiful little troublemaker. Always antsy and on the run. On the far, middle right you have Neesha. A loving little girl with bright eyes and a huge smile. And on the bottom middle there is Awonke. A little girl who never says much, but always has the biggest smile to greet you with.

    Looking at these pictures reminds me how little attention I pay to the details. How I could stop and look into the eyes of the children I work with and realize more of how they are feeling. How I don't just stop to take in the beauty because I'm always running around, trying to get this and that done. God didn't create people with such beauty to just be overlooked. He didn't create us so that we can use each other or overlook each other or just to find love in one another. He created us to reveal His glory. For His magnificence to be known just by looking at creation, by looking at the eyes of a child.

    Maybe this is a reminder more for myself, but remember to stop working so hard, remember to stop running from one task to the next. Remember to sit down, to relax, and to take in the beauty of God that is all around you. Remember the eyes of Ithemba.

The Word of the Week

Fri, 6 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Maturity.

    In order to be who we were meant to be in Christ, we need to leave the bottle behind and grow in Him. We need to seek Him more and be in fellowship with other believers, we need to open up and allow Him to change us, and often ask Him to ruin us so that we can rid ourselves of who we are and become who He has called us to be. In focusing on the word "maturity" this week, I have come to the conclusion that one way of being mature in Christ is to be a doer of the Word. Now, I know that might be obvious, but if it is so, then why do we struggle with it so much?
    Maturity is picking your battles wisely, it's learning when to listen and when to speak, it's following what God is asking you to do, it's knowing what you need to do and doing it (because if you don't, it is a sin just as much as doing something you know to be wrong), it's learning to fight when you need to fight and allowing God to fight for you when it is His time, it's listening to what God is saying to you. Maturity is having quiet time on your own, it's finding time to pray and praying throughout the day, it's accepting who you are through the eyes of God and forgetting who the world says you are. Maturity is speaking up when you don't feel you have the strength to, and standing up even if you're alone. Maturity is taking steps of faith and taking risks even though you might fail. Maturity is becoming who you've been called to be, and accepting that.
    I don't know, the more I think about it, the more I realize how spiritually immature I am a lot of times. I'm realizing that I need to cling to God a lot more, and let go of the grip I have on myself. But at the same time, I'm realizing how much I have matured over the past few months of being here in South Africa. And I am excited to see what God has in store for me today and tomorrow, and the next day and the next and...

Love

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Love

It has been the word lately. What God has been bringing into the light as well as our word this week at Ithemba. I asked my 2nd and 3rd graders to pretend they were having dinner with God, and they could tell Him why they loved Him. Here are their answers:
*Because He helps me.
*He is loving.
*He answers my prayers.
*He gives me life.
*He provides me with food, clothes, water, money, everything I need.
*He forgives.
*He protects me.
*He listens to me.
*He gave us the animals!
The next question I asked them was to change it around. I wanted to see what they thought it was God loved about them. I received one answer at the beginning:
*Because we are His children (we had talked about that last week).
But after that, they would answer with, "Because I go to school." Or "Because I didn't fight today." Or "Because I go to church." When I would ask them if God would love them if they didn't do those things, very few of my students answered yes.

    There is this struggle. A struggle to find the love of God. To know why He loves you and how He loves you and to try and fit that into the big picture. There is a struggle to realize that God loves you if you do everything right or everything wrong. And there is a struggle to know that when you mess up, you can't continue to mess up on purpose just because He still loves you and forgives you.

    To really know love. What does that even look like? To be firmly rooted in the love of Christ. To know His love and the love of His Father. To love the people you are with daily, to love those you minister to, to love the people you pass while walking, to love the ones who have nothing, to love the ones who hurt you, to love those who are hurting, to love the broken, the poor, the ones you would rather look at and turn from. Where does it all start? With loving God. And from there, everything else will fall into place. But I think that in order to truly love God, we need to know why He loves us, to know why He has called us here, to know why He is God and to know He is in control. To look around the earth and see the beauty of His creation and know that He made it out of love. To look at the death of Jesus as the greatest love of all.

    Let me leave you with a question I constantly need to ask myself: How can you proclaim the love of Christ and expect others to believe it...

if you don't walk in the love of God yourself?

A Weekend Away

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This post will be short! But I am in Port Elizabeth for the weekend! I took a personal day off along with my teammate, Megan. And we stole Jess from the PE house. Now we are sitting in an accommodation room (less expensive than a hotel), on free internet, with a rental car outside. It is so nice to just be able to sit and relax, to have quiet without the noise of so many people in such a confined space! I know that at the end of these couple days I will be refreshed and ready to jump back into ministry!

God is good and working in a lot of ways. I am no longer going to be at Virginia's creche in Humansdorp. There were very few kids enrolled and Megan and I were no longer needed. So, we will be doing different ministry on Tuesday mornings. This week I will be checking out house visits for the first time, going into the community to visit and get to know the Xhosa and Afrikaaners in the area!

Anyway, short and sweet!

And to end with a favorite quote, "God is good, He knows what He's doing. When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart!"

Bri

Poverty and Money

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

    Imagine this: you are sitting in a shack (picture American commercials for Africa and giving money to the poor, those shacks) that has a television on (I know, it seems out of place, but it happens, just continue on). You're playing with kids and watching Sesame Street in the Sotho language (sidenote: there is a character with HIV on the Lesotho Sesame Street, it's not just rumors if you have heard of it). Anyway, when that ends, the channel is changed, and on turns the daytime talk show The View from America. Alicia Keys is on, talking about her trip to Africa she just returned from. She discusses the poverty in the country and the faces of beautiful yet starving children are on the screen. I want you to guess what is shown and discussed as soon (literally) as she finishes talking about these children without clothing...

...every person in the audience was immediately given a $250 gift card for clothing from some store in the States.
    I was in shock. My mind has been racing ever since, and this was nearly two weeks ago. Poverty in the 3rd world countries and... rich people getting even richer. Why is it that the more we have, the more we desire? Why when we have clothes, do we feel we need more so we don't have to wear the same ones so often? Why is it that I am living in South Africa and working with children who typically get maybe one meal per day, and I have the option to be full (or overly full) at every single meal?
    I wish I could explain the rich get richer scenario. I wish I could come to terms with that fact that I have WAY more than I need, even while I am living in Africa. I wish I could begin to give away more and spend less on myself. I wish I could see the needs of those I minister to in ways that don't require me to be spending more money. Because, really, most needs can't be met with more money. Most needs are basic needs, especially here.
    In psychology class, I learned (multiple times) about the hierarchy of needs. Where, in order to reach our full potential, we need basic needs to be met. Now, living a life, I am able to see that the hierarchy is a formula and formulas don't necessarily ever fit completely into anything except math equations, but I do see that there are basic needs to be met. And those basic needs are ones of feeling needed and feeling loved.
    With the westernized way of thinking, sometimes we feel as though money will solve our problems and it's completely a matter of poor versus rich. But, in what I have seen, it is a matter of being willing and not being willing to reach out to those around you. It's a matter of each of us personally getting to know people whom otherwise we wouldn't: the man on the street corner begging for money, the little boy without shoes sniffing glue to get high, the woman walking aimlessly through town with no place to go... it's not a matter of money or rich and poor or society or culture or socioeconomic class or anything. It's a matter of love. And that's all that matters.

On Death and Dying

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

    Something that is hitting our team really hard lately is the idea of death. And, for the most part, it isn't just the prospect, it is a reality. A lot of mixed emotions are coming up for me regarding this, so I figured I would share with you all a little of that.
    First, it is the thought that God never intended for there to be death. He is the Giver of Life. He is Creator and good. Death is not something we, as humans, were created to deal with. However, it has become a reality for everyone, something we will all face in our lifetime, the deaths of others and, eventually, our own death. We are not immortal, though God has given us a way to live with Him forever, walking in perfect intimacy with Him, forever. How marvelous is the gift of the Perfect Sacrifice...
    Second, it moves me to want to do more, to meet more, and to love more. Let me explain. It makes me want to look toward those who are typically looked over. It gives me the desire to seek after those who are hidden. I want to find those who are alone and have nothing and no one to live for. Because no one deserves to die alone, no one deserves to die lonely, and no one deserves to die feeling as though they have had no purpose in life. I want to seek out people and to find out who they are, to find what makes them unique and give them a purpose in their life. I know that, I, at times, feel lonely, and I know I am surrounded by people who love me. How much worse would that loneliness sink in for a woman who lives in a shack by herself, or a boy who lives on the street getting high on glue so he doesn't have to feel for that amount of time? I want everyone to know hope. And to know that their lives had meaning.
    As it can be with most of my blogs, this is short and kind of scattered. But I have so many thoughts on my mind at the time that I do not know how to process one completely before the next begins to consume my mind.
    No one is without purpose, no one has no meaning. Those people we pass on the streets and overlook, they really just desire to be loved. The ones begging for money, underneath their words is loneliness and pain. Maybe that's all I desire right now, is just to be able to love people with so much love that they know they were loved, that they know they weren't alone. And, in order to have that much love, I need God. Because, on my own, I have nothing to offer. If it were only me, I would be completely without love. But I have my God who fills my heart with love and hope and... life. And that's all I need, and that's what I desire to show to others.

Love

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

    Sometimes, well always, but sometimes I think it is so necessary to have practical application of, well, life really. Let me attempt to explain. I think it's necessary for me to sometimes practically explain how Scripture is playing a role in my life. I'm going to use today a topic that has come up so much lately in my life. Maybe because I have a difficult time accepting it myself so it stands out to me, or maybe because God is really just laying this on my heart. Maybe both, but in any case, it's LOVE. It would be a lot to do each point of love, so I will take a few and follow through those in my life in ministry here in South Africa.

    Love is patient. Oh Ithemba. As much as I love the children there, I can get so frustrated. The children don't understand my English and I, obviously, do not understand their Xhosa. However, God has given me a love for the children, especially those in my class where language can really be a big issue, and I am able to stick it out with them through patience and get to what needs to be said, taught, and done.
    Love is kind. I feel like this is a big thing in our house. Living in community is not easy. There are times when people do things we do not like or when we're having bad days and just want to be alone but can't. God's love is revealed in each of us through the kindness we show between each other. We value and love each other with such a deep love, that we really are family, and kindness just falls into place.
    Love is not jealous. I don't feel like this has been an issue much at all on our team, which is good. Honestly, I can't think of anyplace where jealousy might come into play. I think the only thing would be jealousy with the relationships people are building, but none of that really matters as we love each other and love God and, as long as He gets the glory, it doesn't matter at all!
    It does not seek its own. I think the best way to see this would be through a servant's heart. My team is amazing. Honestly. There are so many days when I have gone downstairs to see someone doing someone else's chore or to find my own chore already done. There have been nights when my teammates will take their time to talk through things with each other instead of worrying about what they should be getting done at that moment. It seems that our love for each other takes over everything else, and it's more important than everything else because love is the main point.
    Love hopes all things. When we talk to our friends in the community or in the streets, what we have to offer them is our love. And, in that, they are able to find hope. I can see it a little that way, but in a bigger way, I see it when you flip the situation around. So often, I find it that our friends, who have so little, are often so filled with hope. And along with that comes their love and trust in God. So often, we are not required to trust and love in God completely because, in America, we are so blessed (or should I say burdened) by the ability to have anything and everything we could possibly want. We don't need God to meet our needs because, through our jobs we can do it on our own. The people we meet here don't have that freedom (or bondage). They have to trust in God to meet the payments on their bills, to heal them when they are sick or injured... for everything. Through that, and Him meeting their needs, they have a hope that can last forever, because they truly know what it is to love God and find hope in Him (did I mention that Ithemba means 'hope' in Xhosa? Also, this point could probably go into my blog on why we need Africa more than Africa needs us. To teach us to love and trust and hope in God to meet our needs).
    Love endures all things. With everything going on with the people we are ministering to, as well as our friends and families back home, the one thing we have to make it through is love: love for each other, love for our friends and family, and love for God. No matter what, we will be able to make it through each step in life because, with love, we can make it through everything.

    Anyway, random thoughts once again. I hope God has opened your eyes from me opening my mouth (or rather my... fingers? since I'm typing). Lately I've been convicted to speak more. So, hopefully you'll be hearing more of what God is revealing to me!

"What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops." Matthew 10:27

When the Rooster Crows

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I woke up this morning at 5am as I have been doing a lot lately (unintentionally). But instead of laying in bed trying to fall back asleep, I decided to wake up and watch the sunrise from our balcony. One hour later I was still on the balcony, not realizing that a full hour had passed in what felt like minutes. It was a conversation with God that brought Him nearer than before and made everything feel less distant. I'll explain.

I woke up and could hear the roosters crowing and crickets chirping, if I listened enough, I thought I could even hear the ocean waves crashing on the shore (but that might have been my imagination, though I can see the ocean from the balcony). It was silence, something that doesn't happen too often in a house of 12 girls. But I began to realize why I might be sleeping so little, because God wanted me to be able to spend time with Him, uninterrupted, quiet, just time with the Lord. And how wonderful it was! I realized that my priorities can be pretty messed up, I've gotten into the routine of having this amount of time with God at this point in the day, and having time with Him, yet becoming so distracted by people around and noise and too much going on. God pointed out to me this morning that a big part of what I am missing in our relationship is patience.

I thought I knew patience. I am able to wait, wait on tangible things though. I find it difficult to sit in silence, waiting to hear the voice of God, the voice I am unaccustomed to at times. But, once God begins to speak, time slips through your fingers like sand. He began to speak to me about how I not only need to be patient in waiting for Him to speak, but also in waiting on His timing. Sometimes things don't go well or I think they should be another way or whatever the case may be, but His timing is the best and, when you wait on it, you will find out why. I figured that out this morning even with the sunrise.

I stayed outside until the sky was lit, I was about to go inside when I decided I would rather grab some paper and a pencil and write and talk with God some more. I asked a lot of 'why' questions and sang (whispered, it was only nearly 6am yet) the songs that came to my mind. Everything related back to love (I'm not sure it's fully set in yet, so the questions and God's responses may be for a blog next week). And as I watched the sunrise, the lyrics, "The wonders of Your mighty love" came to my mind. Just ponder it for a minute.

Anyway, the next time I looked up from my paper, I saw a burst of color behind the trees. I waited longer and watched as the glimmer spread through the skies. I thought I had seen the sunrise earlier: I saw color in the sky, but I had almost missed the brightest part, out of impatience and listening to myself on time. I realized then that it's the same with spending time with God. When I walk away because I think He is done speaking, or I tune Him out, I may miss out on the brilliance He has to show me. And, as it would have been with the sunrise, I would think that glimmer I saw, those pastel colors, would have been the best I would receive. But, in waiting, I was able to see more of God and He revealed more to me.

I'm not sure if all of this makes sense, most of my blogs are premeditated, but I really wanted to post this. God is asking me to shout what He whispers from the rooftops, so spreading it across the internet might be a pretty good way to start!

In God's love,

Bri

Education

Fri, 6 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

    Imagine an 8 year old in the 2nd grade who doesn't know how to read. Take that even a step further and imagine that same child not knowing what sounds a letter makes, let alone which letter is which. That is part of the reality I witnessed today at Ithemba. Children here seem to go from grade to grade as they age, but really what grade they are in is meaningless. It's the reality of a poor teacher to student ratio, and worse, the reality of passivity. My heart breaks for these kids for their home lives, it breaks for the way they grow up and the lies they believe, and it breaks even more to see how many aren't getting the education they need to get out of the cycle.
    This all came to a point today after I spent an hour working with one of my students trying to get him to understand what sound the letter 'T' makes. I can't do enough. I desire to take each of the children out of the class to do one-on-one work, but that leaves the rest of the class to be left with only one teacher to help. I desire to be able to get them to the level they could be at, but I don't have the time or knowledge to devote myself to that!
    Can you imagine living in a system where you have to pay to go to elementary through high school? Where you are passed from grade to grade whether or not you know what is being taught, where a lot of times you are passed off just because.
    I'm sorry, this is a short and scattered post, but I haven't had much time to process. All I know is that my heart is breaking because I have fallen in love with my students and want more for them, more than they will see if they get stuck in this cycle, if they aren't able to make it out. I have some students who are so bright, they could pick up the information in an instance, if only there were the resources to give them the time needed on a daily basis. Just a thought.

We Need Africa

Fri, 6 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

    Some of the most beautiful images I have ever seen in my life are in front of my face. They are the faces of love, the mouths of hope, and the eyes of Jesus. Hearts longing for something more, minds seeking a future, and ears open to the truth. When you're told you can't do something enough, you begin to think that you can't do it. But I desire to speak more into the lives of these children. And the more I do, the more I realize the truth in a quotation I heard recently, "We need Africa more than Africa needs us."
    I look into the way God has used each of the children I have "been ministering to" to show me more of Himself. I look at the truths that have been revealed to me and realize how many have come from my ministry partners, the ones I am supposedly reaching out to.
    It was difficult going back to living in America, even over the two weeks of Christmas. Only because I've learned so much. I've been taught so much. Through Africa. Yes, I have talked about how westernized South Africa is, and, as true as that is, it's so different. I have learned so much about how to live while being here, though I admit I still live the (mostly) comfortable lifestyle of an America, even while here.
    But, well, my words fall short. So I'll sum it up using someone else's words, because they are more put together than mine are:

    "WE NEED AFRICA MORE THAN AFRICA NEEDS US."

Another Week of Ministry

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

    I love the way our weekly schedule is set up! It makes the week go by really quickly, yet at the end I am so tired! But I absolutely love it! Now that I am getting more into my ministry, I am beginning to connect with some of the kids I work with. I am teaching in the 2nd and 3rd grade classroom at Ithemba and am loving my kids! There are anywhere from 7 to 22 kids in the class on any given day. Lusanda works mainly with the boys, who sit at the back table, and I am working mainly with the girls at the front table. I love the girls so much and am loving the chance to work with them daily!
    Side note, but I am teaching ballet at Ithemba on Friday afternoons! My class has kids of all ages in it, so it's fairly difficult, but it will all work out soon enough! There are a few kids who are really quickly and easily catching on to the class and I'm so excited for them!
    Other than that it has been a typical week at ministry, if anything is really typical. I did actually go to St. Francis Bay on Tuesday instead of Humansdorp to work with the creche because there were only two kids at the creche. So, I was helping in an Afrikaans pre-primary class instead.

It's Been Awhile

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

    I am back in South Africa and working on my second week of ministry now! Can I just express how much I love it here? Last week was our first week jumping back into ministry and I am absolutely loving my internship and morning ministries! Ithemba is where I am mainly working this semester, and I have already fallen in love with everyone there! The children are crazy and the women are amazing! Trinos is just as crazy as the kids are but that makes it fun!
    Last week was a lot of preparation for this week as we are beginning our classes tomorrow! I am really excited to meet the other kids in my class (I am working with one of the ladies, Lusanda, and teaching 2nd and 3rd graders). I have already met a couple of them and they are just wonderful!
    The J-Bay team here is wonderful! I never knew how much you could love a group of complete strangers in such a short amount of time! I have my African family here, full of Americans and Canadians, and I'm loving it! I'm looking forward to what this year will bring and what God has planned for our all-girl team!
    Today is a busy day, so I'll briefly explain my Tuesday schedule, well, this Tuesday! This morning at 8:30am we have devotions, followed by leaving for morning ministry at 9am. I am going to Humansdorp to Virginia's creche to see my little African babies! I remain there until 1:30pm or 2pm, when I am picked up and brought back to Jeffreys Bay to go to Ithemba until 5pm. This afternoon, Ellen and I are going from Ithemba to the gym for a spin class! :-D Then off to internet (I'm writing this in the morning and posting in the evening, so timing's a little off, but I'm sure you'll understand!)
    I'm off now for devotions! Be on the lookout for a post about some things God has been revealing to me lately!
    In Him,
    Bri

Revelations from God are the Sweetest Things

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Over the past few weeks, God has really been revealing Himself to me in many ways. Mostly, He has been revealing more of who He is and who I am in Him. It is amazing for me to be able to actually step back and see how I am growing. It's difficult enough to see gradual change, but even more so when it is gradual change in yourself. I know God has called me here for a purpose this year and I am excited to be here to fulfill the purpose He has planned.
Just as an update, here are a few of the things God has been revealing to me (they may be vague as I don't know the words to explain them completely at this time):
*Ezekial 36:36 "Then the nations that are left round about you will know that I, the LORD, have rebuilt the ruined places and planted that which was desolate; I, the LORD, have spoken and will do it."
*The choice between life and death is our own (Deut. 30:15-20)
*Life is completely related to the Word of God (Ezek. 3:18, 14:13, 18:1, 20:1, 33:1)
*We gain our life from God's words (Deut. 8:3, Ps. 119:50, 93)
*"So choose life in order that you may live... by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days..." Deut. 30:19-20
*"I will rejoice greatly in the LORD, my soul will exult in my God; for He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself with a garland, and as a bride adorns herself with jewels." Isaiah 61:10
*As we were singing these worship lyrics: "We bow down, we lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus." It made me think of a verse:
"You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand." Isaiah 62:3
From that, I began to realize something. Sometimes, in life, it seems that more than seeking a life devoted to God, we are seeking who we can become in Him, or maybe it's just me. But the more I see God and His face and His love, the less I matter and the more He does. To the extent to which the thing I was seeking after, which He promised me (in this case the crown), I am willing to lay at His feet because it doesn't matter at all, He does.

And really, that's the point of everything. To bring God the glory. We are here for no other purpose than to worship God and allow His name to be known. I am here, in South Africa, to spread His love and to share the good news. It's not about me, or any sacrifices I may have made. It's not about how I feel or what others say to me. In the end, it all comes down to one thing, it comes back to the cross, and it points to God. I think that, as Christians, sometimes we believe we're the flashing sign, we desire so much to not be a part of the world, that we try to stand out, flashing our neon lights and screaming, "Here I am, pay attention to how different I am!" But, in reality, all we are and can ever be are arrows pointing the way to the true light. And what could be better than that, than bringing God praise and glory? At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if anyone knows my name, as long as they were able to see Christ.

Maybe it's a lot more simplistic than we make it out to be...

Ministry Update

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Second semester has begun! This week has been fairly relaxed. We just found out which ministries we will be in for this semester. Here's a look at my schedule:

    Mondays and Wednesdays will be discipleship in the mornings and working at Ithemba in the afternoons. While I'm not sure exactly what Ithemba will look like, here's the brief overview. I will most likely be working with either the creche (preschool age) or grade R (kindergarten age) for the majority of the time. This is my "internship" for the program, so it is the main part of what I do. I am at Ithemba Monday through Thursday afternoons from 1pm-5pm.
    Tuesdays I will have Ithemba in the afternoons and in the mornings I will be at 7th Heaven Children's Haven with Sama. Thursdays will also be Ithemba in the afternoons and Virginia's creche in the mornings. This is where I worked last semester and I am absolutely elated to be able to go back! Megan will be with me at Virginia's and I am so excited to be able to work with her as well as to be able to pour into Virginia and Monica and love on the precious children there!
    Fridays are our free days, so they are open for what we would like to do. This is just time to relax and get refreshed to do more ministry! Saturdays are a little different, we have family ministry in the mornings, meaning our entire team will be working together on different ministries throughout the semester, then we go to Intentional ministry. Basically, we get to choose what our ministry for that day looks like. We had one day of intentional this week and Ashley, Sydney, and I were able to go hang out with the street boys. It was an amazing and eye-opening experience! Since I only have one morning a week at 7th Heaven, I will most likely spend a lot of my intentional ministry there, helping Nelly out as much as possible!
    Sundays we have church in the mornings and Nation Celebration in the evenings like last semester.
    I am so excited for what God is going to do this next semester, and I am so happy to be back with my team! This is definitely where God has called me to be for this time, and He is making that more and more evident in my life!

Christmas in the States

Mon, 5 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

America vs. South Africa - Comparing Two Cultures

    I have had the opportunity to come home over Christmas during this program. Even while being here only a short while, there are a lot of differences that stand out to me between the two countries.
    The first thing I really noticed was America's perception of self-image. I was getting a hair cut and the woman cutting my hair was asking what I wanted and then continued on why I should keep my hair a certain way. Here were her words, "The ideal face shape is an oval, which most people do not have, so we try to create that look through your haircut." I was in shock. Why attempt to achieve something that is unobtainable by most of the people in the world, why is that the ideal? It just didn't make sense to me.
    The second thing that stood out to me is how food centered our culture is. I can not look in any direction without seeing either a grocery store, fast food place, or restaurant. In addition, I cannot think of a time of the day when those parking lots are empty, with the exception of the restaurants that are not open 24 hours a day.
    Materialism. When I was in Africa, it didn't feel at all like Christmas. As soon as I got to the States, there was decoration everywhere and Christmas music playing from every direction. There were stores with sales and Christmas candies and foods. It made me really wonder what makes Christmas what it is. In all reality, this year didn't feel like Christmas, so I still haven't figured out what makes it Christmas. The other thing that hit me was, also while getting my hair cut, it came up that I had been in South Africa and would be returning in a couple of weeks. The woman's only response was, "So, what are you going to do with all of your presents then? Leave them here or pack them and bring them with you?" Our culture is so overly saturated with materialism. As if that is the only thing that matters in this world, how much you have.

Finally, the huge difference between the two cultures that I have noticed is relational. In South Africa, it seems like, for the most part, people are more interested in talking and getting to know people than they are in getting done what they set out to do. Here it seems as though everyone has an agenda that cannot be altered. It's the passing hello's and the "how are you's" where the response doesn't matter. It's very ego-centric.

I don't, by any means, want to sound like I hate the US, because I don't. I plan on being back here at the end of this program (unless God tells me otherwise). What I am trying to get at is the fact that my eyes have been opened a countless number of times and, while comforting to be here, it was also one of the most uncomfortable things because all I could think of a lot of times was why I have so much. And do I really need it?

Pictures from Intyantyambo

Mon, 5 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Here are some very belated pictures from the creche that I work with! The children and women who have stolen my heart! And I'm more than okay with that!!!

Ryan

Ouya

Latita

Isora

Junior

Algoa/Virginia's ministry team (with Caroline as the driver this day!), Monica, and Virginia, along with some of the kids!!

The Countdown Begins

Thu, 4 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

As this semester is drawing to a close, I am looking toward Christmas break. But, since it is not here yet, I will give an update on what is going on here. We have two days left at Algoa. There we have been doing a sort of music therapy with some of the higher functioning girls thanks to the gifting God has given one of the girls on our team in that area. That will be our final Monday. On other days, we walk from ward to ward touching and talking to the children. Today, we walked into Bambino, the lowest functioning ward, to find out that the newest admitted resident, Annie (Annalyn), passed away over the weekend. As far as I could understand, she got an infection through her oxygen tube because her body was attempting to adjust to being moved from one environment to a different one. This little girl was so precious, she couldn't talk to us because of the oxygen, but she loved for you to just sit by her and she would point toward what she wanted. She loved pens and paper, drawing all over anything, and she loved having playing cards around. Prayers would be appreciated for her mom as I'm sure this is a very difficult time for her (she did come visit Annie, but we never had the opportunity to meet her). Next Wednesday will probably be the same as today was, walking around spending about an hour in each of the three wards. We visit Bambino, Harmony, and Haven wards, all children's.
We have three days left at Virginia's creche. Today, Tuesday, and Thursday. There we are able to just sit and hold the children and help Virginia and Monica with what they need done, whether it's washing clothes and blankets or the babies. Over the past couple of months, we have been able to build relationships with these amazing women. It is great to just be able to love on them and to have them begin opening up with us.

The Beauty of God's Creation

Tue, 2 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

    Along with three other girls, I was in Cape Town the past few days. This weekend in there left me completely speechless. I absolutely loved it. It was amazing because, as large as the city was and for as many stores and buildings there were, you could drive a little and end up at Table Mountain or at Cape Point or the Cape of Good Hope.
   On Friday we went to Cape Point. I honestly have never seen something so beautiful in my life. To be up so high and to see God's creation from that viewpoint. The green-blue ocean water, the cliffs, the animals. It was magnificent. The best way we could find to describe it would be take the scenery from The Chronicles of Narnia movie, add it with the scenery from Lord of the Rings, and multiply it. It was that beautiful and pictures don't do it any justice.
   Saturday we were Americans and went to the mall in town. They had a Subway, not going to lie, I was really excited! :-D
   On Sunday, we chose to take the cableway up Table Mountain to see the sunset. We drove up to the lower cableway where you get on, and even there I was just in awe of everything around me. The view was amazing, nature was beautiful, the ocean fascinating. I don't know how anyone could possibly deny God if they saw that! When we got to the top, I was left with fewer words (the fact that it was so cold I could see my breath, and I was wearing shorts, didn't help, but that didn't even matter)! To see the sunset from one of the top places to see in the world, one of the most beautiful I have seen in my life, was breathtaking! I feel like I'm being very repetitive here, but I honestly don't know what more to say! It was one of the most amazing things ever!
   On a different note, this semester is coming to a close. I have this week and next week left of ministry, then a final week of debrief before Christmas break! That leaves only three days at Algoa, four days at Virginia's creche, and two days left painting in Daniel's workshop. Time has flown by so quickly!

God is in the Quiet

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

    Things have once again been crazy around here. Nothing really out of the ordinary, just a lot going on.   We only have a few days left of ministry before debrief, then it's on to next semester! Recently in our large group discipleship, we split into two groups to read two different books. One group is reading a book called Exiles and the other Searching for God Knows What. I am reading Searching for God Knows What and our discussions are really interesting. The book is making me think a lot about where I place my identity and how I find myself and others in this world. Though I'm not a fan of the writing style by any means, the content is good, especially when we dig in more with our discussions. I think God is revealing a lot to all of us through this.
   God has also been revealing a lot to me individually. At Algoa last week, we were singing songs with some of the boys. Here are some things I learned through it:
   1. While singing "Jesus Loves Me": "They are weak, but He is strong." The box that we place God in determines how we view His strength and what we, as humans, judge to be strong. A lot of times we will look at difficult situations and ask God why He isn't being strong in this, why He isn't revealing Himself through this situation. In all reality, we aren't seeing God's strength because we are looking for what we would view as strength and not for what God sees as being His strength.
   2. Simplicity: At Algoa, the children have so little, yet they find joy in that and more joy in the simple pleasures. Their minds aren't focused on what they have, what that person has, how they want it, and what more they "need" but rather on what is now. Less expectations means more joy in the simple things in life.
   3. Honesty, not living behind a mask: While these children don't have anywhere near what we would consider to be good table manners, they aren't living a lie like most of us do. When these kids want or need something, they express it. They don't hide behind a mask pretending to be okay, pretending like life is so wonderful. They are real. They know what they feel and that's what they are.
   Also, here is a thought I came across from reading the book. When God made Eve, say that Adam and Eve had to get to know each other. I don't think they automatically had this perfect relationship where everything was in place, maybe, but just imagine for a minute. Adam having to get to know Eve? She was just created. No past to form who she was, no stories to tell. I don't even know a lot of who I am after living for 20 years. How could Eve begin to say who she was without having a past? Because who she was, her identity, was COMPLETELY in God. Everything that determined who she was, was through God. She wasn't basing herself on what the world thought of her, she wasn't trying to measure up to social standards. But rather she was looking to the God of the universe to tell her where her place was and who she was. She looked to Him to find acceptance and love. She didn't need fallen people to give a false description of doing this and looking that, to fit in. She knew who she was because God, and no one else, defined her.
   Though I'm living in South Africa and they do not have Thanksgiving, our leaders have graciously given us a long weekend. So, along with 3 of my friends, I am heading to Cape Town this weekend! I am excited to see a different part of God's South African creation. We will most definitely be heading to Table Mountain as well as Cape Point (Southern-most tip of Africa). I'm excited to be able to rest for a few days before our final weeks of ministry this semester! I'll attempt to post pictures soon!
   In Him,
       Bri

Jeffreys Bay

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Now known as Home Sweet Home'! After Christmas break, I will be returning to Jeffreys Bay from January until May to finish out my year! I am definitely excited and can't wait to see what more God has in store during my time here! Over the past two months, I have developed such a heart for this place. Maybe because of the fact that it reminds me of the States in so many ways and that's where I ultimately feel called to live, as opposed to overseas.
So, here are the basic details. I will be living in the house on Periwinkle Straat with 11 other girls and 3 leaders. We are the only team who ended up being all girls! This team turned out really well, I think. The leaders, Aaryn, Amber, and Em, are all amazing and I am so excited to be on a team with them. And the other girls are so great too! We are all so different in many ways, but there's a reason we're all together. I think that our team is going to be a smaller version of the church, the body of Christ, in that we all have different giftings, abilities, and personalities, and yet we will all be able to come together for one, single purpose.

Intense

Sat, 8 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

    I feel as though that is my word to describe every experience here in South Africa. But it's not necessarily a bad thing, actually, not by any means. I absolutely love the intensity that is here. I feel like I am being renewed so much, in so many different ways. As I was writing in my journal, I began to write an analogy to laying my burdens at the feet of Christ.

As you go through airport security and you step through the gates, the alarm goes off. So you step back and remove what you thought caused it (say it was your watch). You try again and the same happens, so you remove coin from your pockets. Imagine if this happened again and again. The alarm would continue to go off until you had removed the last piece of metal that was hindering you from walking through those gates into the freedom on the other side. This is how it is with our burdens with Christ. We are able to lay something down at His feet, and begin to walk in that step of freedom, but once we begin, we realize that we are holding onto something else, so we also need to let that go. This continues on until we have allowed God to take every one of our burdens, everything we cling to, and truly surrender all. It is at that time that we are able to realize the true freedom found in Jesus Christ.

    God is doing such a work in me right now. Some days I am able to see it, others I'm not. But I still know that He is. I have no doubt that God has called me here for a purpose. I wasn't coming here to be changed, but, in coming, God is changing me. This is one of the most frightening, freeing places I have ever been in. But I'm loving it. I wish I could even begin to explain it, but I don't have the time or space to and I could never put into words how amazing God is, really. A simple explanation: I am being challenged daily to live a set-apart life. One in which I am in relation with the God of the universe, and I am complete and content in being who I am in Him. In realizing that I am nothing more than an instrument in His hand and nothing less than a beloved daughter of the Most High, I am beginning to realize that I am able to do more for His name than I ever believe to be possible.
    God is good.

Challenge From God

Sat, 8 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

    God has begun to challenge me to look at Him from the beginning. A little background on this is, for the past few weeks, I have been so consumed with attempting to know things in my heart because I have so much head knowledge but it never seems to hit my heart. Anyway, He has been challenging me to go back to the beginning and seek Him through that. So, I have begun in a few different ways: reading my Bible beginning at Genesis, looking at the Hebrew names of God and what they mean, and just wholeheartedly seeking Him through prayer. Each way, He is revealing Himself to me in wonderful ways. Just in Genesis, I am able to see Him as the Creator He is. He has begun to show me how He created us in much the same way as He created the world ("God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness" Genesis 1:4). Through seeking Him out through His Hebrew names, I am beginning to see another side of Him (El Roi, pronounced Eel raw-EE, meaning the God who sees me). And through prayer, He is continuously answering me and my questions and just revealing Himself in ways I had not otherwise known.
    It seems like it's a deep version of going back to the basics here, and I absolutely love it. My small group leader gave us the assignment of looking at the book of Romans and what it had to say about the question we were given during large group discipleship (are we born inherently good or bad?). And I have read this book over and over again, yet this time, I was able to read it and see something completely different! God is so amazing! I feel like the Bible is the only book I will never get sick of! There is constantly something new in it that I can learn from and grow in. I have never heard so much of what God is speaking to me before, even though I have read through these same verses in the past.
    But at the same time, God is continuously replanting His word as well as different truths into my life. I don't know how to explain that really, other than the fact that He just keeps placing Scriptures into my hand either through me reading it or through other people giving it to me. It seems that, in order to truly seek Him, I needed to get away from the complacency that I had fallen into back home. Not that I hold anything against home, but it becomes too easy to fall into patterns when you have lived someplace for so long. Being here is teaching me discipline in so many areas. I just desire to seek God more and more with my whole heart. I cannot wait for the next moment I am able to spend time with Him in intimacy, in quiet! God is good!