As I was in the welcome silence the other day, lyrics just came to mind from a song I haven't heard in years.  It's called Flower in the Rain by Jaci Velasquez.  The lyrics from it say:

    "So, here I am again willing to be opened up and broken like a flower in the rain. Tell me what     have I to do to die and then be raised, to reach beyond the pain, like a flower in the rain."

    That is definitely the point that I am at right now.  I am completely willing to be broken, and I'm at the other extreme as well:  I am completely unwilling to go back home being the same person I left as.  I don't want to go home unchanged.  I want to be broken.  I want to be put up against these hardships that God knows I can endure for no reason other than the one that matters, that in all of the hardships, I will be able to draw closer to God if I cast my cares on Him and focus my eyes on Him.  If my focus does not stray from the God who loves me so much, I will be able to find joy in my suffering because, through perseverance, I will know God more. 

    I want to die to myself, I desire to be a servant to Christ.  I want to be under the ownership of God.  I have been paid for, the cost is complete.  I am not my own, I belong to God.  I want to be pure in heart, I desire to live a life worthy of my calling.  More than anything, I want to stand at the gates of heaven and here my Heavenly Father say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."  Can you even imagine?  Just think, here on earth, if anyone, especially a superior comes to you and says you did a great job, how does that make you feel?  Imagine, the God of the universe standing face-to-face with you and, if that isn't enough, for Him to look you in the eyes, smile, and tell you, "My dear child, I love you.  And, you were the servant I desired you to be."